Monday, 18 August 2014

Relationship Phobia

A strange fear grips me these days. It's related to relationships, commitments. And then it takes me to such a point where I start finding cons in all my relationships.  Basically I start acting timid.

When people ditch each other, abandon each other, it grips me and frightens me. If anybody asks me what is my secret fear, it is about getting abandoned by someone I trust. I fear the emotional baggage that comes with relationships! Being a cheerful girl, I fear of a trauma that might push me underground.

Everyone fears from being rejected or left alone. And why not! After being hurt in a past relationship, exploring a new one is simply uncertain and apprehensive. While moving ahead towards a relationship, it is the fear that holds us back from trying to pursue anything new, be it intimacy, change, commitment or abandonment.

What we don't realise is that the increasing fear prevents us from experiencing the pleasures and stability of a genuine relationship. We all recognise the slightly giddy feeling when someone special comes along. Will he stay? Or leave me?

When a relationship does not work, people often lose faith over the concepts of love, togetherness, and compromise. Trusting anyone after a bad experience naturally becomes difficult.

Every individual these days wants to secure his/her personal interests and well-being before thinking of others. I fear my personal freedom being snatched away by someone dominating! Sometimes, I feel committing to a relationship, is like inviting trouble without any reason and giving an opportunity for the other person to interfere in my way of living. Although I want to love and be loved, I also fear both.

Sometimes, past or someone else's experiences program us to associate loving and being loved with unpleasant experiences and especially with feelings of vulnerability. Commitment phobia heals when you become strong enough to be true to yourself, even in the face of another's anger, rejection, or loss. 

I fear the unknown. Bad on my part, being a romance writer! This is one thing, I still need to overcome and build faith in the powers of the universe and most importantly, myself! I think everyone has that one anxiety, one secret fear, a self delusion. What's yours? 


  1. And lo you already know how much we are alike. I am scared too.. probably more often than you should be. For thing best left unsaid here, you know how tiring sometimes it can be to keep questioning yet, the euphoria when it hits is better than every other thing and that in itself makes you believe that you will tolerate endless number of such days merely because that one moment of feeling great defines our life in a way nothing else can. I wish the best of relationships to you and may be, one day we both can meet and talk of all our silly fears and the nonsense whims we so lovingly harbor inside us.
    Love is a dangerous wave because as much as you will be scared of the waves breaking at the ocean shore, we crave the highs as well :) I would say take a chance before time runs out because even when it doesn't ends, the way we want. it ends up with some of the best memories no one can take away from you <3

    1. We indeed are very alike, Shruti! I can understand! :) ;)
      Perfectly said, 'those' moments, even though few, make the rough ride of a relationship worth a smile! Memories are like threads of gold! Always to be preserved! :)
      Thank you for your wishes! And I really hope, girl, I see you one day and we share a cup of coffee over everything random in life :D

  2. Though I am not much of an expert but yet it is always better to give a dive and face the consequences than standing still and let the wave pass.
    Nonetheless a feel good post :)

    1. Yes, RJ! We cannot keep away from playing for the fear of losing! Who knows, we might just win :)
      Thanks for visiting! :)

  3. Been in that mode for a couple of years post the break up. Guess, its quite normal when a relationship doesn't work and it makes u wary to face the same thing. But, then, we need to have a fresh perspective.
    Interesting take and agree with ur points.

    1. Oh! These phases only make you stronger, though a bit skeptical too! And one day, we suddenly feel so content about just everything!
      Thank you for putting your points forth, Vishal! :)

  4. I find this very normal, although the degree of fear may differ. Talking about relationships, yes it is hard to forget someone so easily. But, time heals everything and we learn to move on. And my personal experience says that you have to be a good diplomat to make your relationship go long. Like always, I was able to connect to your writing. Keep writing :) Love :)


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