Friday, 8 April 2016
Nano Fiction 31 : Good Memories
A clean slate is something many seek to attain, but many fail to achieve.
Remembering is easy. It's forgetting that's hard.
Sometimes good memories are worse than nightmares. They haunt you more. Because you know you cannot have or make those memories back again. They keep you awake, or even if you manage to sleep, they wake you up. They trouble you, because a part of you wants to relive them again; but you also know, it is never ever going to happen again. Because magic happens rarely!
Stored in the refrigerator of the mind and the cupboard of the heart, memories though stale, seem afresh when you just cannot forget them. That warm, familiar face that flashes time and again feels like home, you can never visit again, unfortunately. When you pictured happiness to be waking up in the middle of the night, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you; and what it turns out is - you still wake up, drenched in sweat, when their memories haunt you and they are nowhere next to you.
There are memories we choose to live with all our lives. We know, they will do us no good, yet. Sometimes, we humans, cannot ourselves comprehend why we choose to cause destruction to our own self.
You really can't simply erase memories from your mind. For some reason, nothing works to keep them at bay. Maybe because of the people involved in those memories and moments.
Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart. There are memories that time does not erase... Forever does not make loss forgettable, it only makes it bearable. You get used to your loss.
Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.
I think there is always a little something left behind, even in the worst relationships, that you long for every once and a while. I read a quote somewhere that said: "even if he wasn't the best for you forever, he was the best, the thing you needed at that exact moment in time, even if just for a while." It's those moments that turn into the haunting.
Everyone has at least ONE person they will always miss, but it's kind of taboo to talk about it. As a writer, I feel my role is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say.
Pain changes you and you are no longer interested to build any more 'good' memories with anyone, because you are too scared of any happiness coming your way now. You are scared of welcoming anyone new in your life and give them the opportunity to leave you in pieces again.