Thursday, 21 April 2016
Nano Fiction 32 : Eternal Middle
"One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive." - Word Porn.
Have you ever loved someone to bits and lost them? You will relate to this post then, dear readers.
Have you loved them so much that you loved studying his/her face? Just like that? For no reason, whatsoever. Like how and when their skin glows, when does that little drop of sweat makes way through their nose and makes it shinier? How adorable they look when they tell you about their parents? Have you felt the dire need to crawl into their lap, face them closely and just look at them for long hours?
They are the centre of your circle. And then - you lose them. That stomach churn, that loss. Have you felt it ever? The knowledge of never ever having them back - is disgusting to your mere existence. The pain is difficult to endure.
But you continue to live, because you don't have an alternative! You get up-work-show like nothing's wrong-cry-sleep-REPEAT. That grief of an unprepared loss is always there with you. Sometimes you break down too.
Then you hear people say "Everything happens for a reason. You will grow."
These words are responsible for nothing less than emotional, spiritual and psychological violence. Because then you start finding "the reason", which is even more frustrating. That's the kind of bullshit that destroys lives. And it is categorically untrue.
If you've faced a tragedy and someone tells you in any way, shape or form that your tragedy was meant to be, that it happened for a reason, that it will make you a better person, or that taking responsibility for it will fix it, you have every right to remove them from your life.
Grief is brutally painful. When relationships fall apart, you grieve. When opportunities are shattered, you grieve. When dreams die, you grieve. When illnesses wreck you, you grieve.
Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried. However heavy is their weight, you willingly carry them, because you treasure some things.
While loss made me acutely aware and empathetic of the pains of others. I have a more cynical view of human nature, now, and a greater impatience with those who are unfamiliar with what loss does to people.
My pain has never been eradicated, I've just learned to channel it into my work with others. And probably, by being happy reliving the memories in my mind and being grateful for the "eternal middle" I had, it is still better than "nothing at all".