Wednesday, 14 March 2018

Deep Questions To Ask A Man To Build An Emotional Intimacy

The idea was that the questions should invoke shared vulnerability and this really helps to foster emotional closeness and connection between two people even when they didn't really know each other.

Hopefully, these questions will help to deepen the emotional bond between you and your man no matter where you’re at in your love life - whether you are single, dating, or in a long-standing relationship. It apparently has worked among strangers, it should work between you and your guy, provided that he is emotionally available and willing to deepen that intimate bond with you.

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ...
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Sunday, 4 March 2018

Happiness : An Inside Job :)

Everything is always changing.
"There is a cause-and-effect lawfulness that governs all unfolding experience.
"What I do matters, but I am not in charge. Suffering results from struggling with what is beyond my control. [pp. 27-28]” 
Sylvia Boorstein

Happiness comes from within. It took me too long to understand this. 26 years, probably. As I write this post, I want you to know -

Our ego wounded self is often very attached to a “project,” such as:
Once I have a partner, (or a different partner) then I will be happy.
Once I have enough money, then I will be happy.
Once I have the house (or car, or motorcycle, etc.), then I will be happy.
Once I have a baby, then I will be happy.
Once I lose weight, then I will be happy.
Once I have the right job, then I will be happy.
Once I move out of this city, then I will be happy.

As long as you believe that your happiness is connected to something external, you will not be happy now. And there will always be something else — a different partner, more money, a different place to live or a different job — that will keep you from being happy now.

“Having control over getting what I believe will make me happy is what’s important. I refuse to be happy until I have what I want!” Such a myth!

It is very common these days, a lot of people in their search for happiness, search for it not within themselves but in other people and in material things. Many of them, including me, because we have been conditioned to believe so.

If you are searching for it, remember, it means you lack it. You will never get happiness if you don’t know what it is to be happy within yourself. Our emotions are a result of our thoughts. It all starts from our thoughts which create our emotions.

Our thoughts are a consequence of our reactions to various events that can happen in our life. It’s how we react to the problems, that create our state of mind, therefore we need to have a good attitude in life, in fact, Happiness is also an attitude of mind. Program yourself to be happy. Always. 

We also need to discover the things that make us unhappy and seek to avoid those.

You need to realize that Happiness coming from material things is just illusory, temporary, is not really happiness but just pleasure. If we chase happiness in material things, our pursuit for happiness will never end. Chasing happiness only leads to pain and suffering. 

You already have everything that you need in order to be happy and live an extraordinary life. It resides within you.

An ah-ha moment for me was learning about what really creates happiness; you can change your thought pattern about the situation or circumstance. Happiness is an inside job that requires work to be done in other words you has to work on changing your outlook on things.

1. Gratitude - It is one of the most important rituals that I practice in my daily life. I believe that it is through the process of gratitude that we experience the purest form of joy. In doing so, we are able to cultivate a mindset that focuses on the positive.

2. Self-love - It is the key to happiness. The best way to honour yourself is by listening to what it needs. This is where the power of a morning ritual comes into play.  It is one of the secrets to success of some of the happiest people in the world.

3. Mornings - Research shows that your mood in the morning affects your emotional state for the rest of the day. What makes you happy first thing in the morning? Commit to doing it because you deserve the love that you so freely give to others.

As long as you believe that your happiness comes from outside you, happiness will likely elude you. Every moment that you look to people, things, events and outcomes to make you happy is a moment of life lost. Every moment spent trying to control someone or something in the hopes of getting what you believe will make you happy is a moment of happiness and joy lost.

Happiness is not something that happens to you. It is something you choose or don’t choose each and every moment. Today, choose to be aware of what you are attaching your happiness to, and consciously limit the thoughts about what you believe you need externally to be happy. 

There’s a difference between transitory happiness and genuine happiness. As relative as it may sound, as I see Life more and more, deeper, the less I believe Happiness has anything to do with external factors.

I have seen the happiest beggars and the most unhappy millionaires. I have seen grateful women who could never become mothers, and others ungrateful after even being blessed with their heirs. I have seen Love under moonlit skies and I have also seen no love under a palace. 

The transitory nature of this type of happiness – only leads us to crave more and more.  This put us into an endless cycle of seeking the next object or experience that will bring gratification.  

Being content doesn’t mean you can’t have goals...yes they are necessary and need to be achieved, but happiness lies in where you are right now, being the person you are right now, and being perfectly happy in it.

When you stop the mental commentary and you simply remain in the present, all of your suffering from the mental stories that you create are gone. Suffering is an inside job, and so is happiness. There is always something beautiful to witness. You can be locked in prison in solitary confinement, yet you can find beauty in the silver of sunshine that enters your cell. A dying person’s heartbeat can be a soothing sound in the final moments of his or her life.

MORAL : Build happiness inside of you, and the world will automatically be a happier place.