Monday, 4 June 2018

Stubbornness Drives Relationships

"Rishtey ZID se chaltey hai." my father whispered in my ear at my wedding. Best relationship advice ever. Sums up #BangBaajaBaaraat (Web Series) ~ Sumeet Vyas.

I have often wondered, what is it, that makes people stick by each other’s sides, years after years. I often get the answer almost naturally, as fed by the world, as love and respect. Now, don’t get me wrong, these are the basic (level 1) emotions needed to thrive a relationship. But the most important that I feel, is never spoken about, it is stubbornness.

I have seen so many relationships having “love and respect”, but no stubbornness to make it work. They just randomly end, because the two sides are not ready to be ziddi about the relationship. The stubbornness that come what may, I am not leaving his/her side. The ‘stubborn will’ to never let go even if you see a person at his/her worst, is what keeps the relationship breathing. We all love a person at his/her glamorous best, the time when we see their dark side, we find things tough to continue. Whereas to talk of, in reality, this is the most crucial time to truly accept someone as your lover. Somehow, my generation lacks this ‘stubborn will’ and is always on the onset of leaving broken things (rather than mending it) and going on an onset of searching the ‘better’.

Stubbornness to stick by each other definitely pays off in a relationship. “You deal with your hell and I am walking off, because I am only meant only for your good days” is a wrong attitude. When you know, you know – a karmic / soulful relationship will NEVER make you choose only the good side of your partner.

Soulmate relationships are far and few but when they do occur, they often last the test of time. This kind of relationship is marked by an intense connection between two people, one that may even be difficult to convey into words. Two people just “get each other” — they may finish each other’s sentences, are best friends, and have adopted the us against the world mentality, among other things.

When soulmates have found each other the feeling is likened to two pieces of a puzzle fitting perfectly together. This is not to say that soulmates won’t experience problems along the course of their relationship. But, they will be able to resolve their issues more easily than couples who aren’t bound by soulful ties due to their ‘strong will’ to make it work, beyond anything else.

Irritations are inevitable in relationships. It's just not possible to find another human being whose every quirk, habit, and preference aligns perfectly with yours. The fundamental challenge in a relationship, is "figuring out how to negotiate and live with your partner's irritants in a way that doesn't alienate them and keeps the two of you connected." When marriages/relationships don't work, often the partners are fighting not over big issues but over petty differences.

Relationships are not something that happen TO you. They are something you make happen. You have to proactively take a hand in making a relationship happen.

The ability to eliminate relationship irritants lies within each of us. They may sabotage good relationships or not. It all depends on how you interpret the problem. Let go of the Disney fantasy. Prince Charming is not waiting offstage to come dashing in and sweep you up. Real world relationships work, when YOU take efforts to make them work. The whole idea is to treasure each moment you spend next to each other and to love one another truly, purely and freely, and continue to do so, beyond petty things.

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